Krusty the Clown

Real Name: Herchel Krustofski

Distinctive Features: Red Nose, green hair in 3 points, loud baggy clothes, pacemaker scar, superflous nipple

Charitable Acts: Led a celeb recording for Timmy O' Toole, down the well

Autobiography: One critic said it was "self-serving" and "filled with glaring omissions"

Lowest he's ever sunk: Holding a sign saying "WILL DROP PANTS FOR FOOD" but was beaten by a guy doing it for free!

All of the products he's endorsed: The Krusty Burger, Krusty Brand Pork Products (of course), Krusty's Non-Narkotic Kough Syrup (the secret ingridient in the Flaming Moe), The Krusty the Clown Alarm Clock (that gets awfully hot, Krusty), Krusty Brand Home Pregnancy Test (warning: may cause birth defects!), Camp Krusty, The Little Miss Springfield Pageant, Krusty (non toxic) Kologne: the Smell of the Big Top, Krusty Brain & Health Tonic (Ken Griffey Jr. took it...), Krusty walkie-talkies, Krusty windshield stickup, Krusty Lunchbox, Krusty the Clown Wastebasket, The Krusty toy cannon The Krusty Crowd Control Barrier, The Krusty Monopoly Game (patent denied), Krusty the Doll, Krusty Brand Cereal (now comes with a FREE, jagged metal Krusty-O in every box!), Krusty Brand Cereal (FREE Flesh Eating Bacteria inside EVERY BOX!), Chocolate Frosted Frosty Krusty Flakes (only sugar has more sugar), Mount Splashmore, Krusty Brand Lo-Cal TV Dinner, Krusty Doll Knife, Krusty Wall Clocks, Krusty Snow-Dome (Krusty on a unicycle), The Krusty Calculator (with no number 7 or 8), Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel (7 out of 10 orphans can't tell the difference!), Krusty Brand Vitamins (gave Bart an irregular heartbeat), The Krusty Clown College!(Sold to the mob), Krusty Brand duck sausage pizza, Lady Krusty moustache removal system, Krusty Land, Krusty's Autobiography (self-serving, with many glaring omissions), The Krusty Burger Unmanned Oil Derrik , The Krusty Klump Candy Bar, Krusty's Famouse Sauce (Yum it's Blue!), Krusty Canned Chili, The Krusty Lady Electric Razor, Krusty Brand Mayonnaise (recalled because it was tainted), Krusty Brand Sulphuric Acid, Percadan (heh, heh!) and some kind of a jeep